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Posts Tagged ‘sex’

Some of you may have noticed an increase in new residents over the last few days.  When I say increase, I mean a constant stream of new residents landing on the islands where new residents take their first steps.  If you aren’t a Mentor you may not have noticed.  I am a Mentor and spent a few hours on one of the Help Islands working with these new residents.  Why the influx?  Well apparently the media in Europe had been broadcasting about sex in SL and a RL couple getting divorced because of it.  

It shouldn’t be much a surprise then to find quite a few new residents looking for sex in SL.  It happens every time one of these stories runs.  You never see this kind of coverage when for example the Crown and Pearl last year raised in the neighborhood of $3,000USD for Cancer Research.  Or when the Relay for Life raises thousands of dollars and has hundreds of people involved.  Nope, we get the big media push for sex.  I suppose people would rather read about sex than any charity.  Ok, fair enough but, if the media was really doing it’s job, it would do a bit of research.  There are positives and negatives to everything.

So, back to sex and the noob.  Sounds like a game show huh.  lol  Felt like one over the weekend, or perhaps it was a combat simulator.  In any event, I was asked more than once how to have sex, where to have sex, if I would have sex, would I teach them sex, and oh my favorite, *can I haz money to have sex with you*.  Sorry, I don’t pay people to have sex nor do I pay them to have sex with me.  I’m soooo not that desparate. LMFAO

So if you see a naked noob running around asking for sex, now you know why.

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Why?

This is kind of an aside from two of my previous posts.  Here’s my question for all of you:

Is it ok to lie to someone?

I realize this isn’t a black and white topic.  There is no short yes or no answer.  But should there be?  Think about this for a moment.  You meet someone you like, that you’d like to get to know better.  Do you tell them the truth about your situation up front and hope for the best?  Or.. do you wait until they’ve invested in a relationship only to find out it was under false pretenses?  Or.. do you never tell them and hope they don’t find out?

For me, there are things I DON’T want to know.  But some of the bigger issues I’d want to know up front.  Male in a female av, married, gay pretending to be hetero, approximate age.  I’d prefer to know this stuff up front.  Why you ask?  Because to find out later would feel like a betrayal.  I don’t want to be lied to.  I may not like what you tell me, but I’d rather here it up front.  Lets say your a male in a female av or vice versa.  Your female av and I are great friends, shopping hanging out etc.  I tell her things that I wouldn’t tell a male friend(girls are like that).  then I find out I’ve been confessing these secrets in fact, to a guy.  Woah, major betrayal.  How can I trust this person now? 

If your married, why hide it?  Ashamed of it?  Or are you just looking for a good time and figure if people know your married they’d stay away?  Some will.  Some won’t.  Me, i’m in the stay away category.  I don’t get involved with married men in RL or SL(SL married/partnered). 

The age thing I’ve talked about before.  I’m not going to rehash it again.  I met one guy in SL who was gay in RL but wanted to be hetero in SL.  He didn’t do it well. 🙂  He’s now openly gay in SL too.  He can buy my clothes anyday btw, he’s got fab taste.

So what do you think?  When is a lie ok?  Is it ever ok?  Have you ever lied to someone you are really close to and regret it now?

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How many times have I heard that *she* is a *he*, or *he* is a *she*?  Far far too many to count.  Unless you are on voice, on cam or here someone do a voice over while DJing, you really don’t know.  These are the obvious ones though.  In many cases I can guess that the human behind the av is probably male.  Boys, you just don’t know how to be a woman very well.  Now some of you actually pull it off, your avs aren’t off the slider chart and you can keep up a conversation fairly well.  I still don’t get why you want to be a woman.  If your standing naked in your SL home with the shades pulled playing with yourself, Dude, not good.  I know quite a few people who have opposite sex avs but most of them are used for business purposes.  Clothing and skin designers for example.  This isn’t really the point of this post though.

My point in this post is that judging someone by what you perceive to be a truth is just wrong.  Unless you’ve spent months getting to know someone, you really don’t know what is going on behind the keyboard.  We only know what our humans wish to share.  Then there is no way to know if what is being shared is true or wishful thinking.  You can’t look in their eyes, you can’t hear the tone in their voice.  So, do you go on blind faith and just trust or do you wait for someone to earn it?

Going beyond the obvious of gender swapping avatars there are all the other little details some of us leave out.  Married, gay/lesbian, age, race, culture, and all the other little details that define us and our lives.  I hear it often, *Is it cheating if your married in RL and partnered/having sex with a different av in SL?*  Well if your hiding it from your spouse in RL then yeah, your cheating.  Even if it’s just pixels.  If your not using Xcite gear most likely your cybering and since that requires some thought and for you to type it out, to me, that’s cheating.  If your RL spouse knows all about it and doesn’t care, ok but to me, it’s still cheating.  You’ll note I said ME.  Your opinions are your own.

Age is a tough one.  Underage players shouldn’t be on the adult grid.  Simple end of story.  I agree there are a lot that are mature enough to handle it but it’s not just for their protection, it’s for ours too.  Think of all the possibilities for lawsuits should it come out that a teen was hanging out with adults.  Think about some of the raunchy, innuendo filled conversations you’ve had.  Do you want a 16 or 17 or younger person hearing all that?  An overly flirtacious adult hitting on them?  The adult has no idea but can be labelled a pedophile all the same.  So regardless of the maturity of the kid, I say they should be kicked back to the teen grid.  As an aside, maybe the teen grid would be popular if these kids on the adult grid stayed on the teen grid.

Race/culture/sexual preference are all breeding grounds for discrimination in the real world.  I see the same in SL only on a smaller scale.  I’m not going to even try to comprehend the pressures these people go thru in RL.  That many come to SL to escape that I have no doubt.  While folks in SL are generally  more accepting, there are still issues.  The furries and Goreans are persecuted.  Adults in kid avs are banned from many places and some accused of age play.  While there are some bad eggs in the basket, you don’t throw the whole thing out. 

The next time you meet someone new, take a few moments to get to know them a bit.  You really have no idea who is behind the avatar and things are not always as they appear.

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I’ve been talking about love and sex and the happy bit of being in love and I’ve ignored the crappy part.  The part where it ends.  The part where you feel like you’ve been kicked around the block and run over by a train it hurts so much.  The part where you just want to die.

Yep, been there, done that, got the T-shirt.  Or should I say shirts???  *sigh  I’m sure we’ve all been there.  Breakups are rarely *fun*.  Do you talk to your ex? Without spitting in his/her eye of course. 😉  I don’t.  I think I have one muted still. 😉  Here’s the thing though, how do you get from *I love you* to *I wish you’d rot in hell!*???

At the beginning of the summer I watched most of my friends pairing off.  I was happy for them of course but I just hate being the fifth wheel.  So while the summer is quiet anyway I spent a lot of time exploring and learning Photoshop ;).   Now the summer is over and a lot of those relationships are falling apart, new ones forming.  Two of my ex’s are blissfully happy now in both SL and RL with the person they dated after me.  I think they should both be thanking me.  If I hadn’t broken up with him, they wouldn’t have him.   Course, if I hadn’t broken up with them they would probably be dead and I’d be in jail for murder so it’s good all around. 🙂  Win win for everyone. 🙂 

I’ve watched some relationships fall apart that I really thought would be forever and that makes me sad.  I see others that will probably implode.  That is sad as well.  I’ve seen something happen to people when they partner in SL.  They get too clingy or possessive or something but they change.  I’ve seen friends  partner and stay that way for ages.  I’ve seen people partner for business reasons.  I’ve even seen people partner themselves! 

So, partner or not?  If you do, why?  If you don’t, why not?

Come on… tell me what ya think.

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I’m a SecondLife Mentor and while I don’t get to the Help Islands very often, I do a lot of mentoring just wandering around the grid.  If I feel like being helpful and have a lot of patience, I’ll put my mentor tag on and start wandering.

This is what I decided to do last night.  I decided to take a break from putting Prad’s rezz day presents together and go be helpful.

First stop, NCI South.  Really quiet.  I hardly recognized it from my noob days.  So I wandered around a bit and was stopped by a gentlemen who wanted to know A/S/L.  If you know me, then you know.  If you can read my profile, you know.  If you are 4 days old and ask, I’m not gonna tell ya.  Sorry but some info you really need to work for. 🙂  So we chatted a bit.  He asked the typical questions, where to go, what to do, how to get money.  He went on and on about how hawt my Av is.  Asked if these were my RL clothes too.  Yes, I run around in a thong, thigh high boots, micro mini skirt, velvet drape top, ears and a tail.  All the time. 🙂 Then he asked if there was a way he and I could *interact*.  I had to ask what he meant since we were already chatting.  If your mind is in the gutter, stay there, that’s exactly what he meant. LOL  I coughed and explained the search button would be his gateway to the *adult pleasures*.  Before I could type 3 more letters, poof he’s gone.  Don’t know where he went, but I hope he enjoyed  himself. 😉

Next stop, a LM I was checking out for photo ops.  It was kinda busy and I hadn’t taken my tag off so I immediately got an IM from someone.  *OMG you have to help me* is what I got.  Now when I get this from people I know, I generally chuckle and say ok.  When it’s a total stranger though I get worried.  Seems this girl was being followed by someone in a grim reaper av screaming he had come for her.  Halloween starts earlier and earlier 😉  Anyway, I told her that if he was a problem, she could AR him or, and this was my preferred suggestion, she could just TP away.  She told me she couldn’t leave, that she had to stay there.  Now, tps were working fine, no grid issues that I knew of so I had to ask why she couldn’t leave.  She wanted the stuff in the lucky chair.  She’d been there half an hour already and wasn’t leaving till she got the shiny new thing.  Sigh.  I told her again what her options were regarding the Grim Reaper.  Mute, AR, TP away  She wanted me to orb him away.  Sorry, not my job.  By now she was getting all kinds of angry at me.  ME??!!! I took my own advice and TP’d out of there.

Last stop, Hanja Welcome Area.  I hadn’t been back there since my noob days.  Place  hasn’t changed.  The people have though.  Welcome areas are for new residents.  Older residents come here to hang out and help.  At least that’s how it should be.  Older residents should not be hanging around acting like they own the place.  Really, there were about 5 avs, all a few months old *holding court* complete with bodyguards.  Reading profiles made me cringe.  When the *leader* of this little group has on the main page of his profile *willing raper of women* I get a bit upset.  No, I didn’t AR him, probably should have.  So here is this little group giving out information, wrong information.  So I IM’d a few people and gave them the correct information.  They seemed happy. 

Then I met this one girl who was only a few days old was looking for things to do.  She’d been shopping for freebies only as she had no $L.  I asked what she was interested in, explained search to her.  Gave her a few LMs.  Next thing I know she’s asking me to take  her on a tour of SL.  I gave her the LM to the balloon tour.  Sorry kids but I’m not a tour guide.  I’ll give you landmarks, offer suggestions, help if I can, teach you how to build and even offer a makeover suggestions if your interested. 

My last encounter at Hanja was with a guy who wanted sex.  Sigh.

Chances are really good I’m NOT going to have sex with you if;

… we just met

… you can’t form complete sentences

… your walking around with a freenis sticking 4 feet out of your pants

… you say *have sex?* in any variation/language/form to me

… you ask me for money

The above applies to both men and women. 

That concluded my evening of wandering and being helpful.  I was tired, I went to bed.

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Love and sex… is it game?

Last week I talked about love and sex.  Ahuva http://ahuva18.wordpress.com/  today adds fantasy into the mix.  I’m actually a bit amazed at how few people want to talk about it.  With the prevelance of sex in Sl you’d think it would be a lot more popular.

So here we are.  There are avatars all over SL right now engaging in some form of intimacy.  Be it cybering, poseball/Xcite pixel bashing or simply cuddling somewhere private and chatting.  So I have to ask… Is this a game?  If your here for the fantasy part of this, the part where you can do things you’d never do in RL then is SL a game to you or is it real?

Now I hear lots of people say *it’s not a game* but how many really believe it.  Are you your avatar and vice versa?  Is your Avatar and extension of yourself and you an extension of your avatar?

Personally, SL is not a game.  It’s not a fantasy for me either.  Although I’ve done many things I’d never do in RL.  And in that respect there is a bit of a *game* feeling.  The fantasy that I can do what I won’t do in RL.  But that’s limited to simply the doing of something.  When it comes to my relationships with other Avatars and their humans, it stops being a game.

If you’ve ever had a relationship in SL and had it fall apart then you’ll know it’s not a game.  The feelings are real.  The pain is real.  The joy is also real.  The love is real.   So, no, it’s not a game.

I’ve seen relationships fall apart and others grow and flourish.  I’ve seen friends turn to lovers, then to partners then to marriage.  In both SL and RL.  I know it happens.  Only those people really know the nature of  their relationship in SL.  Whether it was all sex or something else entirely.  Something more than just sex.

Is there a line you won’t cross?  Is there someone you’ve had a crush on but would NEVER do anything about?  When do say "No, I won’t cross that line".  Or do you say no? 

I’ve come across a couple situations this week that have me wondering what I would or should do.

If you find out someone you’ve known for while is underage do you report them?  It’s against the TOS to be under 18 and on the main grid.  Yet we know there are a lot of *kids* on the main grid that never get reported.  Should your friendship or the TOS dictate what you do?   Honestly, I don’t know.  Rules are made for a reason.  Not only to protect the lab but to protect the residents as well.  Do you trash a friendship because someone crossed a line that they shouldn’t have?

If you’ve caught someone in a lie do you call them on it?  If you do and they deny it but you have proof, what do you do then?  Can you stay friends with someone who can lie so easily?  Can you stay friends with someone who you know is doing it just for attention? 

When do you cross the line between friends and more than friends?  Can you? Should you?  If you cross that line the relationship forever changes.  For better or worse what you had is gone.  Is it worth it?  It’s a question of what’s more important, the friendship you have, or what you may have romantically.

One last idea to ponder, do you have a secret crush?  Someone no one knows about?  Someone you fantasize about?  Would you tell them?

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Love and Sex

Love and Sex, hot topics it seems lately.  I’ll jump in, why not.  Ahuva posted an interesting question on her blog http://ahuva18.wordpress.com/  asking what falling in love meant to the reader.  For me, it’s being vulnerable and giddy all at the same time.  Being vulnerable doesn’t always need to be a bad thing.   There is nothing like that feeling you get when love is new.  You can’t wait to see them and talk to them.  So much to tell them.  You want to share every moment of your life with them.  You get a smile just thinking about them.  The room brightens when they enter.  Later that feeling becomes a warm blanket you wrap around you.  Not to hide under but to feel safe in.  To me, that’s love.

The other question she asked was about SL sex.  Having, not having and why.  Got me to thinking about my own experiences.  Two years ago when I came to SL having a good skin and the appropriate *parts* was important.  My partners even bought me what I needed all the say down to sound effects  *rolls eyes*.  Back then I was new to virtual worlds and while my partner seemed to take the whole thing quite seriously, all I could do was giggle.  I’m sorry but watching his willy jerking upwards thru my body spewing particle sperm is funny.  Don’t tell me it isn’t.  See, now your laughing.  What did I tell you.  😛  Add in the sound effects he bought me and it’s a good thing we weren’t on cam or voice. 🙂

So, now we move to the next type of guy, the one who only cybers.  For him it doesn’t matter where you are, what your wearing.  You’ll note I say for him.  He will flirt and cyber in IM with you from across a dance floor or 20 sims.  He doesn’t even need to be standing in front of you.  Hmmm romantic that.  Not.  What pleasure he is getting from this activity I don’t know.  Not sure i want to either.

I know sex is a huge business in SL.  Escorts, dancers, slaves, all the RP groups they all use sex in one way or another.  But are the majority of folks in normal relationships in SL having pixellated sex?  90% of my friends think the bumping and grinding of pixels is silly and I tend to agree.  So are they all cybering behind closed IMs?  Could be. 

For me, in order for a cyber session to be something other than text on a screen, there has to be an emotional connection to the other person.  Otherwise, it’s text on the screen.  And frankly, with a few exceptions, I’ve read better books. 🙂  In fact, some of you should think about writing this stuff down. 😉

I’ve had relationships in SL with no sex at all.  No pixels bashing against each other and no cybering either.  Yeah I got the occasional *kiss* or *hug* but that was it.  Did I miss it?  Pixel bashing, no.  Like I said above, i find it silly.  The intimacy that cybering would have created, yeah I missed that.  But you can’t force it.  It either happens or it doesn’t. 

So, there you have it, my take on love and sex in SL.  I’d love to hear what you think.

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