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Posts Tagged ‘friends’

After reading Lands posts about map rights and friends lists it got me thinking.  No I didn’t hurt myself, hush up! 😛 

I’ve been in SL for 2 years now and I’ve only cleaned out my friends list once.  It’s not even a very long list considering  how long I’ve been in world.  Where I differ with Lands is that I don’t *friend* everyone that asks.  If your on my friends list it’s because we’ve spoken before.  Now I know I could hand out calling cards instead.  What is a calling card you ask?  Go to your inventory, look at the folder up on top called calling cards.  These are all the people you have friended and anyone who has you given you  their card.  Go ahead, open one, look at it.  I’ll wait.  Welcome back. 🙂  Now, you can give these out to people instead of friending them.  It will give them a way to get in touch with you without being on the friends list.  Right click the person and select give card from the pie menu.  It’s really easy. 🙂  So, if you don’t necessarily want to add someone to your friends list, give them a calling card.

Map rights…  This one can get ugly, and I know this from personal experience.  Lets say you are dating someone.  You give them map rights.  Well one evening you are  hanging out on your sofa with someone who is not your b/f or g/f.  In comes your significant other who has mapped you and didn’t notice the 2 dots, or maybe they did.  Well Lucy, now you’ve got some ‘splaining to do.  Or do you?  If I give someone map rights does that automatically mean they can pop in on me any time they like?  No it doesn’t.  It means I’ve given you rights to know where I am.  If you map me and there are 2 dots, IM me before you *drop* in.  Get your mind out of the gutter 😛  I could simply be in the middle of a private conversation.  If I’m at the Crown, go ahead and map me.  My point here is, if I’m at the Crown or out shopping drop in, the more the merrier. 🙂  But if you map me and see one or 2 dots, how about IMing me first before you drop in.  That’s just common courtesy. 

I have map rights to a number of people.  All good friends who trust me enough to give me that privilege.  If they are at the Crown, yep I’ll cheat and map them to get there quicker. 😉  Would I ever map them if they were somewhere else?  Nope, not unless they told me to.  Have I checked to see where people are, yep, I have.  I’ll check the map before I IM them.  If I see 2 dots, I’ll leave them alone. 😉  

Now, lets say your are dating someone and you DON’T give them map rights.  What does that say about the relationship?  Well, either you don’t trust them, you are doing something worthy of hiding or you simply don’t trust anyone.  This happened to me.  I didn’t give him map rights, we had a huge row.  I wasn’t doing anything wrong, I just didn’t trust him.  Nor did I want him following me around everywhere I went.  Course, he didn’t trust me either which is another matter entirely.  I gave him map rights in the end.  Regretted it and eventually he and I split up. 

My point is that giving map rights means you trust that person, you have nothing to hide from them.  You are also giving them the benefit of the doubt that they’ll act responsibly.  Remember, just because someone gives you map rights, or even that they friended you doesn’t mean you can be a pest.  Rights easily given can just as easily be taken away.

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While the debate and protests over the Open Space sims rages on the rest of the world continues on.  Here’s a bit of what’s coming up this weekend on or about Angel Square.

Friday: It’s Halloween.   There will be a party at the Crown.  Prad is in charge of decorating this year.  I really don’t need to say anything else do I??  Good.  The sploder will be going, DJs will be DJing and the dead will walk again.  Wait, that’s a normal friday night at the crown. 😉  Eh, it’ll be good times.  It’s also the last day the Crown will be on Angel Square.

Saturday:  The Crown moves.   The Crown and Pearl moves to her own island to the east of Angel Square.  Little place called….  wait for it….. Crown and Pearl. hahaha   Starting Saturday if you use the Angel Square Landmark you’ll end up in my house. lol  While I love you all to bits, I don’t need ya all hanging about while I’m gettin dressed so delete the old lMs!!!  No perving Bailey!

Monday or Tuesday:  Official Opening of the gallery at Angel Square.   Invites will go out today or tomorrow to the artists I’m asking to participate for the opening.  The point of the gallery is to give artists a chance to participate that wouldn’t  normally get an invite to a big gallery.  For that reason I will rotate artists.  That doesn’t mean you won’t come back, it just means someone else is getting a month. 🙂  I’m all about being fair here.  There will be 7 artists.  A new theme every two weeks.  As popularity grows artists will rotate so everyone gets a chance.  If you want to be considered, drop me an IM or a comment here.  The first theme is *Myself*.  In one pic, show us who you are.  Show us that piece of you that maybe we don’t see.  All work must be your own or creditted to the original artist.  For the first showing, drop your full perm pics on me and I’ll put them up.

Expect to see a notice about a bar quiz in the near future. 🙂  Maybe Sunday afternoon…..

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A few people have posted about the Crown lately.  It seemed appropriate that I do the same.  After all, she’s my baby. 🙂

For those who may not know, The Crown and Pearl is the bar owned by Prad Prathivi and myself.  A place built out of love and friendship.  Built for good conversation, dancing, fishing and great friends.

It has no doors…. everyone is welcome.

It has no roof…. the sky is the limit on your imagination.

It has no walls…. we are open and welcoming

It is a bar but it is so much more, it’s a family.

DJ’s playing good music, good people laughing and carrying on, new residents learning the way of SL from friendly helpful people…

a family.

 The Crown and Pearl is a family, a family you can choose to be a part of.  Come in sit a spell, join the conversation.  If we laugh, it’s not at you, it’s with you.  It’s a family I’m proud to be a part of.

Prad and I have tried really hard to make sure the Crown is an environment that everyone wants to be a part of.  No commercialsim, no naked newbs with frenis’, not many annoying gestures. 😉  We wanted people to want to be there. 

Thank you to everyone for helping to make it what it is today.   If I try to name you all, I’ll miss someone and feel dreadful.  So I’ll just say, Thank You!

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Why?

This is kind of an aside from two of my previous posts.  Here’s my question for all of you:

Is it ok to lie to someone?

I realize this isn’t a black and white topic.  There is no short yes or no answer.  But should there be?  Think about this for a moment.  You meet someone you like, that you’d like to get to know better.  Do you tell them the truth about your situation up front and hope for the best?  Or.. do you wait until they’ve invested in a relationship only to find out it was under false pretenses?  Or.. do you never tell them and hope they don’t find out?

For me, there are things I DON’T want to know.  But some of the bigger issues I’d want to know up front.  Male in a female av, married, gay pretending to be hetero, approximate age.  I’d prefer to know this stuff up front.  Why you ask?  Because to find out later would feel like a betrayal.  I don’t want to be lied to.  I may not like what you tell me, but I’d rather here it up front.  Lets say your a male in a female av or vice versa.  Your female av and I are great friends, shopping hanging out etc.  I tell her things that I wouldn’t tell a male friend(girls are like that).  then I find out I’ve been confessing these secrets in fact, to a guy.  Woah, major betrayal.  How can I trust this person now? 

If your married, why hide it?  Ashamed of it?  Or are you just looking for a good time and figure if people know your married they’d stay away?  Some will.  Some won’t.  Me, i’m in the stay away category.  I don’t get involved with married men in RL or SL(SL married/partnered). 

The age thing I’ve talked about before.  I’m not going to rehash it again.  I met one guy in SL who was gay in RL but wanted to be hetero in SL.  He didn’t do it well. 🙂  He’s now openly gay in SL too.  He can buy my clothes anyday btw, he’s got fab taste.

So what do you think?  When is a lie ok?  Is it ever ok?  Have you ever lied to someone you are really close to and regret it now?

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You think you know…

…yourself.

…your friends.

…your mind/wants/desires/needs

Yesterday was Prad’s party and I spent some time myself reflecting on the past 2 years.  Good and bad times, mistakes made, small triumphs, friendships made and broken.  It doesn’t seem like such a long time, 2 years until you start to  replay them in your head.  The small smile at a memory, the laugh at an old picture, the tears from a loss, the frown at would could have been, and even the anger at some lingering pain. 

I’d like to think I’ve learned from all of this.  I’m sure some of you would say I haven’t that I’m still just a silly little girl.   Hopefully some of you agree that I’ve changed, learned and grown.

It’s difficult hearing what someone thinks of you.  Oh it’s easy when they say things to your face.  Easy is the wrong word.  It’s the difference between seeing the truck hit you and simply waking up dazed and confused weeks later.  It really is easier when you see it coming.

Now I know I’m not going to be best friends with everyone I meet.  Nor will I be close friends with everyone I meet.  I can’t be, don’t expect to be.  It’s still a surprise though when I find out what some people really think of me.  I don’t suppose I should be shocked at it anymore.  I’ve been accused of riding people’s coattails and sucking up and using certain people for a long time now.  That I only want to be friends with certain people because of who they are or what they can do for me or give me.  Every time I hear it, it hurts.  The people who say it, don’t know me.  If they did, they wouldn’t say it because they know how much it hurts. 

I’m not going to apologize for loving my friends and being willing to go to the ends of the earth for them.  I will continue to do it because I like making them happy. 

I’ll just be more careful who I open up to.

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Relationships and Reflections

There all kinds of relationships.   Family, friends, lovers, acquaintances, peers, co-workers etc.   Each is important and impacts us in some way.  The people that fill these roles change though.   People come in and out of our lives.  Occasionally you come across someone who is truly special and holds a very strong place in your life and in your heart.   Most people would immediately assume that person to be a lover/spouse/romantic interest.   Not always.  They could simply be a friend, a close one, but a friend none the less.

 

Friends are not easy to come by.  I’m not talking about that long list of people on your *friends list*, half of whom you don’t know who they are.   I’m talking about the people you talk to everyday, the ones you talk to about everything, the ones whose company you want.   Losing friends is a tragedy.  When something strains that relationship and it breaks, it’s sad.   We shouldn’t let that happen.  Friends are far too important.  Lovers/spouses come and go, but your friends should always be there for you and you for them.

 

I’ve been single in SL for awhile now.   I’ll admit to being lonely now and then.  Especially as I saw my single friends paring up or going off and doing other things.  I’m used to it now though.  I’m finding other things to do, places to explore, pictures to take.   My addiction with PhotoShop continues. J   I won’t say it wouldn’t be nice to have someone to share those things with but it’s also nice to be able to go off by yourself and just wander.  Besides, having a relationship just to have one is not my thing.

 

I’ve been in SL going on 2 years now(rezz day in November).   Over that time a lot of people have come and gone from my life.   Most I remember, many I miss, some I say good riddance.  I would never wish bad things on anyone but lets face it, we aren’t meant to get along with everyone.

 

As fall approaches it’s a renewal for me.   Not only is it my favorite time of year but it’s also the beginning of the end for many things.   Leaves begin to fall, the days get shorter, it starts to get cooler.   The fall is a time of reflection.  The time of year when I look back at what was, the mistakes made, the joys and then forward to the possibilities in the future.  “Tomorrow is a brand new day with no mistakes in it”, Anne Shirley, Anne of Green Gables.  

 

So, as I look forward to the fall, I’m looking back too.   Everyone who has been in my life has had an impact on me.   Good and bad.  I’ve learned a lot from you all.  Again, some good things, some not so good.  Learned a lot about myself too.   I’ve made mistakes with some people.   I’ve said and done some things that while sounded good at the time, are cringeworthy to me now.  

 

We can all be a better friend to someone.  It’s not difficult, just takes some effort.   So, that’s what I intend to do. 

 

This concludes my ramblings for today.   If you haven’t talked to someone in a long time, go do it.   You’ll be glad you did.  So will they. J

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I hadn’t planned to write here more than once a week.   I honestly didn’t think I’d have enough to say.   It’s been an odd week though.  I’ve been thinking about my friends a lot lately.   Maybe it was Deedee’s passing and reading the eloquent words Kitty wrote that made me really think about my friends.

 

How do we define a *friend*?   What makes someone go from acquaintance to friend?   Is there a rule like, if you see them/talk to them at least twice a week for more than 15mins they move off the acquaintance list and on to the friend list?   What about the person you talk to every day but never really say anything to?   You know the ones I mean.  Your entire conversation is:   Me:  hey, how are ya?  Them:  great! you?  Me:  fine thanks.. and that’s it.  Is that really a friend?   You talk everyday but what exactly do you know about each other?  What have you actually shared with each other?  I don’t really think of those people as *friends*.   Sure, we are friendly but would I ask them to speak at my funeral?   Probably not.

 

Those that know me, know that Prad Prathivi and I are very close.  There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for him.  He’s one of the most generous people I’ve met in SL.  So it saddened and angered me to read his blog post today *Used*.   There will always be people who will take advantage of a friendship or even just an acquaintance for their own benefit.   I also know there are those who want certain people on their friends list just so they can say they are there.   The very nature of Prad’s personality makes him and others like him vulnerable to this kind of treatment.   He’s right though; would it kill these people to take a few mins to just chat before asking what they want?  Everyone’s time is worth something.  But if you are going to ask someone to give up theirs for you, at least remember that they are and say thank you, or make an offer of your time to them if they need it.   It’s likely they’ll never ask but it’s the thought, the gesture that counts for something.   At least when it’s genuine.

 

So, what do you do in that situation?  Ignore them?  Tell the next one who IMs that way how *used* you feel?   Kick them off the friends list?  Mute them?  I doubt I could do any of these things myself.   I’d be too concerned about insulting them by not answering.  But then I tend to put other people’s feelings ahead of my own. 

 

So, how do you define a *friend*?   I’d love to know what you all think.

 

HUGS and cuddles to my friends, you all know who you are.

 

❤ BL

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