This is kind of an aside from two of my previous posts. Here’s my question for all of you:
Is it ok to lie to someone?
I realize this isn’t a black and white topic. There is no short yes or no answer. But should there be? Think about this for a moment. You meet someone you like, that you’d like to get to know better. Do you tell them the truth about your situation up front and hope for the best? Or.. do you wait until they’ve invested in a relationship only to find out it was under false pretenses? Or.. do you never tell them and hope they don’t find out?
For me, there are things I DON’T want to know. But some of the bigger issues I’d want to know up front. Male in a female av, married, gay pretending to be hetero, approximate age. I’d prefer to know this stuff up front. Why you ask? Because to find out later would feel like a betrayal. I don’t want to be lied to. I may not like what you tell me, but I’d rather here it up front. Lets say your a male in a female av or vice versa. Your female av and I are great friends, shopping hanging out etc. I tell her things that I wouldn’t tell a male friend(girls are like that). then I find out I’ve been confessing these secrets in fact, to a guy. Woah, major betrayal. How can I trust this person now?
If your married, why hide it? Ashamed of it? Or are you just looking for a good time and figure if people know your married they’d stay away? Some will. Some won’t. Me, i’m in the stay away category. I don’t get involved with married men in RL or SL(SL married/partnered).
The age thing I’ve talked about before. I’m not going to rehash it again. I met one guy in SL who was gay in RL but wanted to be hetero in SL. He didn’t do it well. 
He’s now openly gay in SL too. He can buy my clothes anyday btw, he’s got fab taste.
So what do you think? When is a lie ok? Is it ever ok? Have you ever lied to someone you are really close to and regret it now?
Hmm, tricky. I guess my reaction is it depends on the context (which is about the most unhelpful answer I can give you ^^). Like, if you want to have a sexual relationship with someone and know it’s heading in that direction, then your marital status, true sex, and age, are pretty important. If it’s “just” a friendship then things like that might be slower to be revealed, but the more the friendship grows and trusted information starts to move between the parties, the more you should be able to legitimately expect such information to come out.
I find the issue of true sex an interesting one because one of my close long-term friends in SL is a guy who plays as a girl. But they “see” themselves as a girl in RL too, so SL matches their personal internal image. It was a while into the frinedhsip before they revealed this to me, it shocked me a bit but I understood and accepted their reasons and so it didn’t damage the friendship. There are though 2 instances that come immediately to mind of guys who pretended to be girls and be friends with me for a while before revealing they were male, playing as girls just cause they wanted to. Now them I felt betrayed by and it did hurt the friendship.
SL makes these sorts of issues so interesting and intense – makes it so easy to deceive. Though having said that, not as easy as many people think – the truth seems to always come out sooner or later.
[...] This is another post that comes from thinking about an issue Bailey raised in her Blog ( http://baileylongcloth.wordpress.com/2008/10/15/why/ ). This time about people who play as genders in SL different than they are in RL. But I want to [...]
Sometimes things happen so fast and seem so right that the momentum carries you into a life that you always wished for.
I’m currently married and met someone in RL through email that I’d truely love to get to know. I guess I failed because she knows I’m married and doesn’t even want to talk to me anymore. I was going to explain how things haven’t been working out and divorce was pretty much in the picture, but I never got that far.
She considers me a liar when actually our relationships with other people never came up although I was ready to explain mine.
I have never been so excited about meeting someone like her before. I’ll accept a friendship just to talk about the things we enjoy. I’m so sorry that I screwed this up and it’s tearing me apart inside. I can’t function right. I wasn’t out for an affair. I hope she understands that.
So make sure that you really consider that person as a “liar” and not somebody that could be a true friend in the long run if given the chance.
I’m so sorry I f’d up!!!!!!!!!! I’m so sorry………
[...] in all blogging). I’m busy landscaping. But if you want the serious conversation, go to Bailey’s blog. She’s talking about lying and sex and [...]